Re: Hello, my name is Brian, and I'm an addict

[http://dummy.us.eu.org/robert (Robert)]

My dad never expected to live as long as he did, despite his very large
roster of health problems, and now he and my mom are struggling
financially.  I think they never accounted for the fact that medical
technology and pharmaceuticals can keep people alive much longer.

 > From: Brian <http://www.cs..edu/~b>
 > Date: Sat, 25 Sep 2021 23:37:28 -0700
 >
 > Honestly, psychoanalyzing myself, I think one of the things going on 
 > here is that I'm planting the flag for the idea that 10 years from now 
 > I'll be dead, so it's okay to spend down my wealth.  (It's /so weird/ to 
 > write the word "wealth" with regard to myself, and of course I'm not in 
 > the super-rich, but I'm probably in the top 2% or 3%, which is really 
 > scary because how on earth are the other 97 or 98% surviving?)
 >
 > This reminds me that my doctor is threatening that there's no reason I 
 > shouldn't live until 90, which is almost 20 years (I'll be 72 next 
 > month).  This came up because I saw him two days ago for him to look at 
 > my wounds from surgery and make sure they aren't infected, which they 
 > aren't.  I have another followup next week with the surgery team.  I 
 > don't want to live that long, because I expect I'll just get more and 
 > more painful.  I've had leg pains since forever, I have this thumb 
 > problem that isn't getting better despite three cortisone shots, and 
 > since I'm diabetic, at some point I'm going to have kidney failure and 
 > also at some point I'm going to go blind, a fate worse than death for 
 > me.  (What do I take pleasure in?  Art and books.)  He's also yelling at 
 > me about using my CPAP machine.  I told him it's really hard for me to 
 > get to sleep in the first place with the mask on, so he gave me some 
 > pills, I forget the name, but it's basically a milder cousin of valium, 
 > and he says that'll put me to sleep.  So I have to try it, but the last 
 > two nights I've been up so late I couldn't stand the thought of it.  But 
 > tonight I'm going to try to get to sleep at midnight, which is in 1/2 hour.